Looking Back

Recently I was looking for a particular picture on my computer and of course with my A.D.D. got distracted and looked at ALL my photos. Sometimes I look back and get upset with how happy I looked back then and why can't I be like that anymore. I look at what I am doing, my carefree attitude, my friends and my ultimate goal of just having fun. Initially it did get me down but then I think about my last couple years, what I have been through and what I have learned. This is me thinking out loud but also a way of reminding myself how I've grown and why I am lucky.

1. You never know how strong you can be until you have no other choice. Doesn't mean you always have to be strong because believe you me I can be the furthest thing from it. You can ask my sisters how many times I have called them just so they can hear me cry.

2. The most important relationship you have is with yourself.   Know who you are and embrace it. We all try fitting in and going along with what is popular. I mean your personality. I am told on a daily basis that I am weird, stupid or just plain ridiculous. And you know what? I'm okay with that because the people telling me this are the ones who love me and want to spend time with me. I don't have anything to prove to them, they know I am college educated, a working professional and obviously not mentally challenged. I like knowing I can be myself...plain and simple. I like to show my belly when it is really full and yes, I sing to animals quite often!

3. Friends come and go.  Even if they are still in your life or not they all teach or do something for you. Just like ourselves people change and so do relationships. A lot of times we don't want to let people go because of the memories we have and how things used to be. But things aren't like that anymore and we change ourselves to try holding on to the friendship and that is cheating ourselves and our friends. Sometimes the hardest thing to do it let go, but ultimately is it the best for the both of you.

4. Priorities change. In our early 20's it's all about party & bullshit, mid 20's are about having fun and knocking things off your bucket list, late 20's trying to find that special someone and also know that you need to make decisions that are the best for you. 30...well shit it's 30! I found that with 30 you do more what you want to do and are not concerned as much with what people will think or if they will be mad at you for your decisions.

5. Laughter really is medicine. I spent many many weeks in situations that a normal person would not consider to be the time or the place to be joking around or laughing. Mainly many many days in hospital rooms with my family. Yes we are all upset, sick to our stomach, not knowing what is next and scared. Yet one thing I love about my family is that no matter how stressful or down we are, one of us will always make the others laugh. Even if it means making fun of mom or dad after their brain surgeries (no we are really not going to hell). We play off of each other and know we are all in this together.

6. If you are not happy, do something about it. It took me YEARS to finally make a change at work and I am kicking myself in the ass for not doing it sooner. We are all scared of change and no one wants to do it. We get comfortable and don't know how things are going to change. Take the risk!

This is all I can think of for now but I'm sure a lot more will come to me. Don't get me wrong, I still love hanging out with my friends, getting shit faced and acting absolutely ridiculous. I also love hanging out with them in our sweats, making dinner, drinking wine & watching TV. I find though that when I think of having a nice relaxing weekend it usually involves spending time with the fam (especially the kiddos), not wearing a bra, eating some noodles & watching some Golden Girls. Oh how things have changed!!

It's been awhile

Oh god things are so much different and crazier than my last post. I'm now working 3rd shift again and absolutely loving it. It wasn't that hard for me to get used to the hours again, I actually sleep better now than when I was on 2nd shift. No more ambien for this girl! :) I have had more time for myself and am getting a lot more done than before. I get to see friends that I rarely saw before and am actually happy. I have also been able to see my family a lot more which I am truly happy about. One of my New year's resolutions was to spend more time with them and as of right now I am right on track with that one. (My 2 other resolutions are to take a daily vitamin and to not have any dirty dishes in the sink when I go to bed. I'm still working on that 3rd one)

Speaking of the fam dad has been doing better. He was having some cognitive issues, which worried us all a bit. Doctor said it was caused from his radiation that was almost a year ago. I don't believe that explanation at all...but if that's what the doc says there is not much we can do about it. Anywho, they started him on a medication that dementia patients would take and so far we have all seen a vast improvement. It's easier to hold a conversation with him and he is remembering to do the simply daily tasks he was having trouble with before. Fingers crossed he is on the road to recovery and there are no new setbacks. Mom is doing great. She is still seizure free which is AWESOME. It's hard to explain being able to finally let go of that constant worry/concern I had with her and her seizures. But I am finally accepting it and finally letting myself ease up. Now when she starts driving again will be another issue. She has been cleared to drive since January 2011 but has had no desire to. Which is understandable considering she had two major accidents in less than a year where she was lucky enough to walk away from (thank you grandma). When the time comes and she is ready she will do it, and if she decides she never wants to drive again we are all okay with that too.

Okay I guess that's enough for now. Blogs will be more frequent I promise, atleast one a week from here on out. Take care and olive juice.

It Could Be Worse

Sometimes it takes something really horrible or sad or even down right devastating for people to really realize what is important in life and to them. One thing I have always told myself is when I get down or pissed off or even slightly irritated "Some people have it a lot worse". It has helped me through out the years and when you put it in prospective of that your problem which seems like the end of the world really is nothing compared to others. The only problem with people doing that is it's hard for them to put someone else before them...selfishness.

I don't want to tell people that their problems aren't important because who am I do decide that? (Although a lot of times I think their 'problems' are down right stupid) I think you should ask yourself "Is it REALLY worth stressing about" and even more important "Is it worth ruining my day". While some people may think yes it is the end of the world and want to be angry and rude to everyone they encounter that day, others know what the reasonable answers to these questions are.

I truly feel bad for people that are so selfish and self-centered that they cannot see this. To them their issues are the most important and they could give two shits about you. To them, it's life or death...I feel bad for them when they actually do have to face something that is that important.

My friend Jenna's grandma just passed yesterday and she even said herself the things she would stress about are nothing compared to this experience. Sitting in the hospital waiting for hours for that last breathe, that last good-bye. If anyone thinks their problems are more important than that please let me know...and most likely I will laugh in your face. (I have included a picture of my bubbly smiley friend Jenna)

Who is Ming???

As many of you already know both my parents had brain surgery within the last year. Each for different reasons and each with completely different side effects and rehabilitation afterwards. One of side effects my mom is still working on to this day is her speech. When she got out of surgery she tried to talk in sentences but often said the word she was thinking about...so we heard 'Walgreens' and 'Creamer' a lot. She couldn't say our names at first (tear. you can imagine how heartbreaking that was). Well one day while both my sisters where at the hospital my mom asked them where I was, instead of saying Shelly she said Ming. And she continued to call me Ming for a good week. She couldn't say my name! How the hell Ming came out of Shelly none of us know.

Her surgery was in July, my dad's was in October. My big sister Jenny thought it would be funny to get to my dad and have him call me Ming after his surgery. So, it's an inside family joke that was created in hard times but can always put a smile on our faces.